It’s no secret that strong women leaders are often looked upon negatively and as aggressive. It’s a no-win situation. So, when you see this happening, stand up.
Make every attempt to encourage other women, even when you may not agree with them 100%. Let them know you’ve got their back.
Why Supporting Women in Leadership Matters
I sit on the board of a local nonprofit. I also sit on ad-hoc sub-committee for strategic planning of that board. The sub-committee is charged with hiring a strategic planning consultant. Over the course of two meetings, we made some decisions about how to proceed.
One of the men objected to the decision made by the committee. He wanted to wait to hire someone until we had figured out the strategic direction we wanted to go. Several committee members explained that that was the point of hiring a consultant (to help us figure out our strategic direction). In my opinion, he simply wants to hold up the process because he is averse to change.
Undermined by One Man’s Inexplicable Resistance
This man was so ruffled by the fact that the committee members (mostly women) didn’t agree with his position, he threw a tantrum (figuratively) and tried to undermine the female chair of the committee.
First, he wrote an email to the committee asking to bring the issue to the board and halt the process we had agreed upon, unless the full board agreed. Several of us wrote back about why the process should proceed as planned.
Next, he wrote an email to the entire board, asking to add this agenda item to the full board meeting. The female president (who is on the sub-committee) wrote back that the committee chair would provide an update/report at the full board meeting, but that the matter would be settled in committee.
A Little Encouragement, One Woman to Another
The next night at the full board meeting, he ignored the (female) board president and brought up the issue anyway.
The president started to object, but then wasn’t sure of herself. I gently encouraged her by saying, “Go ahead, Susan.” She was able to put the issue to rest.
I am confident that if a man had been at the helm of the full board or the committee, he would never have acted that way. That’s practically the definition of male privilege.
The frustrating part — for him and for us — was that he kept insisting we haven’t listened to him, and he literally couldn’t believe we didn’t agree with him. Sigh.
5 Key Reasons Women Should Support Each Other
The story above demonstrates how important it is for women to encourage and support one another — particularly in areas of leadership. Here are five key reasons women face unique challenges leading nonprofits and in fundraising.
1. Gender Bias
Bias still exists in the nonprofit sector (and the world at large), which impacts women leaders. Male dominated boards may not respect women in roles of leadership, by talking over them and undermining their leadership positions.
2. Limited Access
Women tend to have limited access to high-net-worth male networks. Colleagues (men and women) can help by making introductions and helping cultivate new relationships.
3. Balancing Roles
Women tend to have more responsibilities for family, including caregiving responsibilities for older and younger generations. If you are supporting a woman nonprofit leader, step up to help and support her whenever conflicts between work and family arise.
4. Trouble Saying ‘No’
There has been a movement recently to help women say “no” when they are overcommitted or simply don’t want to accommodate the request. Naturally as women, we want to help, so our instinct is to say “yes.” Practice saying no to the next few requests you get. You may find it liberating.
5. Risk Aversion
Women tend to be more risk-averse then men. But you can become more open to taking strategic risks, with a little practice.
- Start by becoming aware of when you don’t take risks, at work and at home.
- Practice by taking a small risk, something that gets you outside your comfort zone. I’m not talking about something dangerous, but something you normally wouldn’t do (like calling someone to ask for a favor, or asking a donor for a bigger gift).
- Try not to get discouraged if you get a negative response. That’s part of taking risks.
- Practice taking more calculated risks and watch yourself soar.
Unfortunately, women are often perceived as less capable than men. Practice makes perfect, so don’t give up. Do your homework and show up with more research than anyone else in the room. Be as prepared as you can be and your confidence will grow.
Defend and Support Other Women, Publicly and Privately
I encourage you to proactively stand up for the women leaders at your organization.
- Defend them.
- Support them.
- In public and in private.
Send them emails of encouragement. Applaud their efforts in the board room. Offer heartfelt support for their leadership and trust that it will come full-circle.
Hear hear, Sister.
I once had a male boss who would frequently comment, “Men talk, but women work.” He intended it to be a compliment, but it wasn’t. He didn’t understand when I said that implies that men are talking – i.e., making all of the important decisions, and women are just there to carry out the labor as directed by men. Women want – and deserve a seat at the table. Unfortunately, we can be each others’ worst enemies. We often perceive that we have to fight for that seat, and believe that seats for women are limited. If we continue to exclude other women, we perpetuate this false notion. As a woman in a leadership role, it is incumbent upon me to invite other women to join the table.
Yes. Thanks for sharing!
Excellent article Amy! Should be required reading!
Another great way to support women is by joining an all-female networking group in your area. We have one called “Women in Leadership”. It provides professional development (98% of speakers are women), networking, and mentoring. I firmly believe it is the leadership skills and network I developed in this group that enabled me to become an executive director.
Yes, I agree, Lindsey. Congrats.
This information is very crucial. I have observed the male dominance on boards and in offices. And in such situations, females shy away, failing to bring out brilliant ideas which when shared after the meetings, are discovered to be more pertinent.
Hi Amy;
Read your article and support women to speak up. However, jumping to the conclusion that the bad behavior was due to gender bias is a tricky one. I have been at board meetings seeing men attack men in the same manner. Only astute leaders call out the bad behavior. It is knowing how to call out the bad behavior during board meetings that is important. If women are armed with the tools on how to handle, then these outbursts by either men or women will subside. I find that the bad behavior individuals who decide to launch rockets at a board meeting are grandstanding and may be passive aggressive which takes a seasoned professional to call out.
Good point, Karen. Thanks for your comment.
I am a male who sits on the board of a major non-profit, and have been in a similar situation with another male member of a subcommittee and board. He disagreed with the decision of the subcommittee, and then raised a stink with the board. Both the subcommittee and the board were chaired by males at the time. He resigned from the non-profit after he did not get his way with the board. Frankly, it may be that the male in your situation is just a difficult person, and may have similar poor behavior on other boards, whether chaired by females or males. Then again, maybe he just behaves this way only with females in charge. Either way, he sounds like he needs to go back to kindergarten, to learn how to work and play well with others.
Thanks for sharing, William.
Women supporting women – so important!
Well said, Amy! Thank you for this.
This is so interesting… and timely. I recently had a high net-worth donor come on to me. All 5 of these reasons apply to my situation. The perfect outcome would be for another man or woman to back me up when I see him again at a group meeting. Because of this article, I am trying to have such a person there for me in case I need it.
Yes! Line up support in advance, behind the scenes.
Thank you for sharing this.. For me, cultivating and soliciting major gifts with high powered alumni has been intimidating. Reading your insights helps me to be more strategic in my discovery and conversations.. these suggestions also help me to become more aware of lending support in helping to expand networks with other alumni I may be working with.
I’m assuming that this gentleman is in the “silent generation” demographic born before 1945 hence a “pre-boomer” and adverse to change. Is he making a significant financial contribution? If so I’d just “suck it up”. If not., maybe the board chair should meet with him and question his perception if his role. People like the gentleman you described are why term limits are so important.. Over twenty years ago while serving on a non-profit board, I introduced term limits for the board. As a compromise, the board exempted existing board members. I served the three 2 year terms I had introduced and then rotated off the board, compliant with the term limit rule I had initiated. I happened to receive an invitation to honor long standing board members recently, only to learn that a couple of stagnant board members who had been exempted were still on the board!!!!!