Asking for Donations with Ease – Part 1: The 7 Deadly Fears of Asking

Asking for donations with ease… it sounds too good to be true, right?

After all, asking for a gift is the most feared part of fundraising. Most development directors and executive directors I’ve met are afraid to ask. And I’d guess you’re (at least a little) afraid to ask, too.

But in addition to being the most feared part of fundraising, asking is also the most critical part of fundraising. Without the ask, donations are few and far between and your mission is woefully underfunded.

Asking for Donations with Ease in 4 Parts

This post is the first in a 4-part series that will teach you how to ask for donations with ease.

• Part 1: The 7 Deadly Fears of Asking – Learn about the different fears that keep you from asking with confidence, and discover exactly what it takes to overcome your fear.
• Part 2: The Key to Crushing Your Fear – The second post dives deeper into the solution to crush your fear of asking once and for all.
• Part 3: A System that Works – Part three highlights WHY this particular “asking system” works, and provides examples of what happens when fundraisers apply this process to their asks.
• Part 4: You Can Do It! Here’s How – The final post explains how YOU can apply this system and watch your confidence (and results) soar!

So let’s dive in…

7 Common Fears of Asking

The fear of asking for a gift really isn’t a single fear. It’s an amalgam of several different fears, any number of which tend to hold us back. These fears include:

1. Asking for the wrong amount
2. Asking too soon or too late
3. Fear that they will say “no”
4. Fear that your ask could sour the relationship
5. Fear about whether you’ve built a strong enough relationship in the first place
6. Fear that you’ll get tongue-tied or say the wrong thing
7. A total lack of confidence in yourself and your ability to ask

Any one of these fears can be crippling. When combined, they’re utterly paralyzing. And we’ve all been there… even me.

Believe it or not, I was once afraid to ask, too. It took me 10 years as a development director to finally overcome my fear of asking.

My first job was in a domestic violence shelter. I didn’t know what I was doing or how to ask. The ask meetings would hang over my head like a guillotine. The fear was all-encompassing. I’d get butterflies in my stomach. I’d feel queasy and nauseous. I’d worry. I’d sweat. I’d want to run and hide.

And guess what?

I made plenty of mistakes. Like not asking for a specific amount of money, or not enough or even too much! Also, doing all of the talking and not enough listening.

But I stuck with it. I learned from every mistake I made. And that knowledge eventually made asking a breeze — not unlike another fear you conquered many years ago.

Another Fear You Faced… and Conquered

Think back to when you were a teenager. Do you remember the fear you felt the first time you sat in the driver’s seat of a car?

You uneasily got behind the wheel of this big, scary vehicle — knowing full well that one wrong move could seriously hurt someone – perhaps even kill someone. At least if your ask goes wrong no one’s going to get hurt!

But there was also a lot of upside to learning to drive — freedom, including being able to get together with friends when and where you wanted to.

Learning how to drive opened up our worlds. For many of us, that simple skill brought us into adulthood.

And driving IS a simple skill, right?

After driving for so many years, it seems effortless today. But let’s be honest — driving is NOT a simple skill. It never was. It took a tremendous amount of knowledge and practice to master. Yet, today, it’s easy.

Asking is no different.

How to Overcome Your Asking Fears

Asking is a skill that seems scary because of all of the imagined fears you have about what can go wrong. It gives you butterflies, just like the first few months you got into the driver’s seat of a car.

So what did you do back then to overcome your fear?

You learned the rules of the road and you practiced, practiced, practiced!

Once you know what you’re doing and you’ve had enough practice, asking becomes second nature — just like driving.

Now, you never think twice when you get behind the wheel of a car. You know you can drive successfully — you’ve done it countless times before.

The key to successful driving (and successful asking) is understanding the system.

You know you need to stop at a STOP sign. A green light means GO. Never turn into oncoming traffic. These rules are all part of the system.

When it comes to driving, the system is all well-established. We all know the rules of the road. Asking? Not so much.

But what if there was a system for asking?

Stay tuned for part two in this series, The Key to Crushing Your Fear of Asking, where we’ll dive deeper into the solution to crush your fear of asking once and for all.

Which of the seven deadly fears of asking do you face the most? Tell me about it in the comments.